Usually, I use this in a metaphorical sense for my mind. Trapped by thoughts or by decisions. Right now, I mean it metaphorically and physically. I’m being held hostage on a bed within an adorable canopy that is adorned upon the bed’s posts (really, only something princesses have and every one of my friends growing up wanted, but here they use it for function not cuteness). There’s a cockroach in the bathroom tub. Then, there’s my bed. Then, there’s my window. Then, there’s a spider weaving a huge, beautiful web. Oh, did I mention this spider is the size of my face?
Usually, I exaggerate. No, not right now. It is the legitimate size of my face. And then, there is night.
Coming to Bali has been a bit of a culture shock. Eric and I both thought this island would look very different. We expected more open space and less garbage within it. We expected less motorcycles and more people bicycling. We expected less locals yelling, “Transport?” at every street corner and more locals with traditional Balinese style shops. We expected more widely open streets with just less. Less intensity. Less tourist traps. More Bali. Less gigantic spiders or cockroaches and more monkeys or birds. But, then again, we might have made the grand mistake: we expected.
Suffice it to say, now I am trapped in my bedroom. Trapped within my mind that is running rampant with ideas of what that spider would feel like if it creeped through the open woodwork above the door (oh, did I forget to mention that in Bali all the buildings are basically open to the elements?) or what that coackroaches’ squeaks would sound like. Gah! However will I get to sleep with these thoughts? However will I keep this things from getting to me? However will I keep my mind from keeping me trapped? It is my mind afterall, right? These animals don’t want to harm me. They want to exist. As do I. I just don’t want them to exist in my space, in my stuff. How will I ever get through these wild feelings? The animal here is me.
This frustration may just wear me out enough to actually…